TOXIC POSITIVITY.

'Always look on the bright side of life'. Really?

We are often cajoled, bullied even, to feel happy, be happy, act happy. There are psychologists, counsellors, self-help books, advertisements, diets and tablets to help us on our merry way!

The message seems to be that if you are not feeling happy you are doing something wrong, you must need therapy, you are not thinking straight, you have lost your grip on life!

This type of positivity is everywhere. Perhaps it is well-meaning. It is however often harmful and unhelpful. It is not honest. It is contrived and inauthentic. It seems to deny the true impact and reality of how we feel at certain times. It can appear insensitive to encourage someone to be happy when this is exactly how they are not feeling.

Mindfulness is honest. It encourages us to be with whatever feelings and states we experience. They are here, they have arrived. We can move alongside them without fear. We may acknowledge that we don't like feeling the way we feel, but we can take care of ourselves through the storm. We can reduce our resistance, which only increases anxiety, and practice those techniques that bring a sense of control, greater understanding, greater wisdom. We work through the difficulty rather than pretend it isn't there. We accept our unhappiness and allow it space. We have to say 'hello' to something before we can say 'goodbye' to it. We can be open to what we can learn from it and grow into the fullness of the human condition.

This is perhaps why one of the best selling books on Mindfulness ever since its publication is titled 'Full Catastrophe Living' (Jon Kabat-Zinn).

It is through difficulties that we gain strength. It is through our sorrows, losses and disappointments that we develop our character and better understand the sorrows of others. This is where compassion is born.

To run away or avoid or deny the difficult is to be running and hiding from life itself. It creates a greater pain and a darker destiny than honest acceptance and clear seeing.